I just wrote this to an on-line supprt group of mine...
Today at 06:03 PM
#1
Hi All...I just found out TODAY...but I knew things weren't right, been praying for God to SHOW me for sure...and He did. I called my H. on his cell & something screwed-up & I got through to HIS conversation w/ some *new-ish massage parlor girl (without him being AWARE)...I couldn't hear HER part, but I heard HIS...she barely spoke English...I am Beside Myself...{he stopped it all but went back about 1 month ago, supposedly}...
Just when I thought he was going to be able to move back in after being separated for 4 months...Was going to his recovery stuff ...BUT I just knew things weren't right...money was missing/not seeming honest about time, even though hard to pinpoint since he has his own business & we're constantly taking out cash to pay laborers, or switch $$$ around in our accounts...He told the girl he "missed her" & was hoping he wasn't trying to see her too much!
INSANE.I don't know HOW he could go sit in church w/ me & my kids, etc...I don't know WHAT to tell my younger daughter ...or to break it to my older daughter...My mom is devestated...& my H. can't face anyone...My H. says he knows he is sick...but can't afford to do in-patient treatment...
Meantime, my younger daughter whom I homeschool is all settled into her Thursday school co-op classes...I have a call out to our counselor but haven't heard back...I'm also worried that my H. might try to kill himself as he knows this is it...
*So strange, I just knew that all of the crazy financial stuff, ETC., were consequences for my H...that God was allowing this all--LIFE falling APART...My H. wasn't willing to do his 12 Step homework...only met w/ his sponsor once...made excuses...wouldn't pray/read spiritual things...
He's been LYING again to EVERYONE...and taken money for bills that my MOM has sent to help us!
Am Devestated...
Addiction has its own agenda
11 months ago
Posts
15 comments:
{{{{{{{{{{MUM}}}}}}}}}}}
You aren't alone in this. You put up the Bat Light and the troops are on their way. We have all been at the threshold moment and it freeking sucks. Although there isn't much any of us can do from this distance, whatever you do need--ask, cry, snot, laugh, pray, bitch, moan, and we will respond accordingly.
I'm just sending you love, love, love, and a (((hug))) on my overly-matronly shoulder for your wee head.
He is sick. Sick with an illness that is not your fault, nor your problem to solve. If he has decided he'd rather be ill right now, then you are doing the best thing for yourself and family by choosing health.
Hang in there, Chica. Keep writing. I'll keep checking in with JWC tonight.
IF I was gonna drink again..Um, NOW would be the time...
Am just beside myself...
Thanks for commenting...
xoxoxoxox
Oh, I am so incredibly sorry. As if finding all that stuff out in disclosure wasn't already enough. It sounds like your husband is so sick right now. Is there any way you might be able to scrape the cash together for inpatient treatment? What about doing some sort of intervention? I'm just thinking of all the things I might try if I were in your situation.
Please let us all know if there's anything you need at all. You're in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong.
Oooohh God! So terribly sorry for you. I still find it hard to believe that your husband got pulled in to the massage parlor thing through someone at SA. What a horror.
You seem to have worked so hard. Stay away from the booze. You need all your senses and your girls need one parent to lean on.
You are very strong and have stood strong through so much already. We are all here for you.
Just got back from yoga and dinner and saw your message. Aw, scribbling-mum, I read your post with tears in my eyes. That hurts so much! And sex addiction sucks so much.
Take care of yourself and your kids. I'll be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. I know we are all sending you so much love and positive energy right now. Wish I could do something more substantial, but I know that sending love is no small thing either.
so sorry that life has decided to throw you a curve ball...i just got one thrown at me. my husband relapsed 2 days ago...he broke into my mothers house and stole her prescription meds, he is suck a douche!! i told my mom to press charges on him and that's what she did...now he sits in jail with multiple felony charges.
i know how you feel i this situation...betrayed, hurt, sad, maybe even hopeless like i myself feel. i hope you find comfort somewhere today...keep your head up.
Dear Friend,
If words can help, then all of our friends have done a good job here. I don't have much to add in except that my husband is a very sick man too. I chose to stay...and so I try to prepare for time like this. Most of the time, I try to think of the best things that happened to me (including my daughter) to feel better. Going to a nice quiet places (outdoor) can help me too.
Please take care.
Anne
Hey, Mum. It's the morning after. How are you doing?
I'm popping in like Sophie, just to connect and see how you are.
Worried and wondering. Hope you are holding up. My thoughts are with you.
I'm checking in, too. Hope you're doing okay.
I am a little slow in responding but my heart goes out to you.
I too am interested in hearing how things are going for you today! Sounds like you have a lot of support and friends!!
Hey Mum,
I've been dealing with my husband's relapse this week as well. God it sucks. Every time it almost starts to work. Every time. I'll be thinking of you and hoping you find something good to give your thoughts a small reprieve. Plant some Fall flowers. Hand make your girl's Halloween outfits. You have to start now you know. Most of all know that _you_ are special and _you_ have people there, here and everywhere that care for you and support you unequivocallly.
I just saw this and I can't even tell you how sorry I am. What a total nightmare that you had to hear that conversation on the phone. I've heard lots of stories like that. It's divine intervention, I suppose. God wanted you to know. Keep reaching out to all of us. We all have been there in one way or another and we all have your back, big time! Post your ass off on the JWC. And, don't drink! Your kids need you. Call your sponsor. I can totally understand the desire to drink at a time like this, but for sure it will only make things worse. Take a deep breath and trust that your HP will care for you and guide you in the right direction.
I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am. Reading your blog breaks my heart, and right now my husband relapsing is my biggest fear (second, of course to something happening to one of my kids). I'll keep you in my prayers, and hope that you can be safe and healthy for yourself and your children.
By the way, we had to take out a home equity line of credit to be able to afford my husband's inpatient stay. I don't know if this is an option for your husband, but it may be worth him checking into.
Lots of love, prayers and positive energy coming your way!
Mum,
since we are all a bunch of worry warts, and if it isn't too much of an imposition, would you please just type an: "I'm alive" response, so we know at least that much.
BIG (((((HUGS)))))
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