The Hospital...

I mostly update on JWC (Junky's Wives Club/wives of sex addicts forum)...but I'd like to start posting HERE more...we'll see...

My gut feelings proved true...and all blew up AGAIN on June 30th, wherein, I kicked him out of the house like a bad re-run. Turns out my Husband had still been acting out on & off w/ a massage girl from a year ago (developed a "relationship" w/ this 40-year-old "girl"aka, it's-free-that-way & he admitted he just used her)...plus he'd also been acting out in other random new massage places when he had a bit of money.

More later...am still in shock to some degree...but Relief to finally get the truth out...I have this strange measure of PEACE now...can't explain it. My ANGER is simply usurped by my pain for my girls.

Something CHANGED in me 2 days after I found out.

Instead of my H., my older daughter had to be the ONE there w/ me @ the hospital while I was put under in order to have that medical test done.The gravity of it ALL just HIT ME. Here I am, and my Husband isn't here because he's been fecking his prostitute girlfriend...he hasn't been present for a long time...the Truth IS what it IS...no more denying it. I felt for my 22 dd who was still in her own shock & pain about her dad...having to try & be strong for me...so fucked up.

They gave me the I.V...& I started to cry as my daughter held my hand...not because I was scared about the TEST...but because I realized FULLY that my Husband had ABANDONED ME & was caught, yet again...& we were OVER. No matter almost 23 years of marriage, no matter he'd been a great father & husband for most of those years...no matter he'd been in Recovery...1 foot in/penis out...

My heart cannot take the LYING/Deception any more...and my H. & I both have realized how sick he truly is...and that *I* can't save him.

I've been doing this for 2 1/2 years...4 D-days...

I have such a long, long Road ahead of me...littered with Great Financial Disaster & MORE Heartache...but Kitty says I'll be okay...somehow, I'll make it...love my kitty.

p.s. - Am thinking of getting highlights in my hair for summer...must get Kitty's approval first...heh.